


Mothers

by Davechicken



Series: The Pilot and his Dark Knight [14]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Death of Leia Organa, Death of Shara Bey, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 12:25:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9323474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken
Summary: They miss them.





	

It’s been a year, and it still hurts. Kylo didn’t quite realise for a while that it was The Date that had been making him feel uneasy, and it wasn’t until it clicked over on the calendar that it really smacked him.

Just. Someone said something he can’t even remember what, and he screamed in annoyance, and then realised what he’d done. 

Unable to apologise, he’d run. He’d run into the woods, and sunk into a ball at the edge of the lake, hands in his hair and head lowered. 

(He would apologise, but later. He’d had to flee before he did something he regretted. Before he did something he knew would be wrong.)

Poe finds him. He’d commed him until Kylo admitted he was in the woods, and then his husband had combed the area until he found him, and dropped an arm around his shoulders. Anyone else and Kylo would have run away again, but Poe… Poe understandsd. Poe had loved his mother as much, perhaps, as Kylo himself. Leia had adopted Poe when Shara died, unofficially, and although it had caused a little jealousy when Kylo had been younger… with time, he’d come to accept that love wasn’t finite. You could love multiple people and it didn’t water down your affection for someone else.

Poe has his arm around him, still, and Kylo pushes his fingers into the muddy soil, feeling it creep under his fingernails. The slight resistance takes some of his tension as he pushes down from his shoulders, and the blanketing feel of it is a reassurance. He’s always felt calmer in touch with the ground than he has in space.

I miss you. I miss you, Mom. I miss you. Why did you go?

“You remember… we used to run off, on Yavin 4? And they always knew where to find us…” Poe starts, his voice soft, caring.  


Kylo does remember. Usually one of their parents would fetch them, or sometimes Threepio would be sent to remind the young Masters that it was past dinner-time. Muddy, happy, carefree. They’d wash their hands and have their faces cleaned before eating, and it didn’t really matter whose mother fed them, it was just…

“How do you… how do you… manage?” Kylo asks.  


“I do, and I don’t. I mean, it’s been so long that I’m kinda used to her not being here, but I still… when big things happen, I wonder what she’d say. Wonder what she’d think…”  


“She’d be proud of you.”  


“Would she? I guess so. Moms do that. They love you, no matter what.” Poe’s fingers push into his hair. “She loved you.”  


“Still probably would have bitten my head off for - you know.”  


“Nah. She’d have shouted at people who hurt you, and dragged your ass back, just like Leia would have.”  


“No fear.”  


“Don’t think either of them knew fear when it came to us. They just… you know. Mom would have punched Snoke in the dick if it got you back.”  


Kylo can’t help the small smile. “She was fierce. Devoted. I see so much of her in you.”

Poe makes a tiny noise of pain, and pushes his face into Kylo’s neck. “I miss her every day. I miss her smile, and the way she would scrunch up her nose when she was thinking. I miss her singing to me. I miss her dancing me on her hip and singing the pre-flight check to me, or telling me about all these worlds she’d seen.”

Kylo remembers those songs. They’d been so full of humour. Once, he’d thought she would teach him to fly, but that had been so long ago. “I remember my Mom used to tell me about Alderaan. About my grandparents. Her parents. It felt like they were still alive when she spoke…”

“Yeah. I don’t know how she… she was so strong. Man, she wasn’t even twenty when that happened. When I was twenty I was still in the Republic fleet.”  


“And I was destroying the galaxy.”  


“… _trying_ to destroy the galaxy.”  


“Alright. Trying,” Kylo concedes.  


“You ever… you ever think we did what we did because we couldn’t live up to them?” Poe asks. “I was so angry she’d left me, so annoyed she’d gone and other people still had their moms.”  


“You mean, ‘I can’t be as good as her, so I shouldn’t even try’?”  


Poe nods. “I never thought I’d live up to what she’d done, and how young, and I was angry she’d died, so…”

“Maybe. I don’t know. I think back to what I did, and I can’t see how it made any real sense. I just wanted the pain to go, and I was… ashamed to tell her what was happening, so I hid it all inside until it almost destroyed me.”  


Silence. A long silence. The world tweets, rustles, continues. 

“Your mom was never happier than when you came home, Ky.”  


“Yeah.” He still wishes he’d never gone at all.   


More silence, and Kylo feels… different? The anger is gone, and it’s sadness and a missing part, now. He feels guilty about his earlier outburst, but the loss is bittersweet again. He’d come home in time, he’d mended their broken bridges, had felt her arms around him before she left.

“You tell me when you wanna go home, okay? Don’t think Threepio will come looking for us, today.”  


Muddy fingers, and a messy face. Just like old times. Kylo nods. “Gimme a few minutes more. I want… I want to try tell her. Through the Force. Tell her how much…”

Poe nods, and stays right alongside him.


End file.
